So, you've separated. The relationship has ended. Now what? How does a person move on in a healthy way? Separations are surely not easy, whatever the scenario, but there are methods to reduce your struggle.
-- Give yourself time to grieve.
No matter how committed you are to moving on, you have to give yourself time to mourn the relationship. Whether you had been the one to leave or your partner was, separations are almost always painful. Adjustments have to be made and feelings processed, and this naturally will take time.
Sometimes people make the particular mistake of attempting to bury their difficult feelings, but in this way they are trying to bypass the healing process completely. Indeed no one wants to feel miserable. We desire to feel better as soon as possible. However, the only effective way to feel better is to face your feelings directly.
Allow yourself to feel hurt, miserable, angry, baffled, and all the other emotions that often come with breakups. If you permit yourself to feel these things now, you're more unlikely to have those feelings resurface down the road when you're least anticipating it.
-- Form a support network
You've gone from sharing a daily part of your life with somebody else to being single all over again. For lots of people, this is just about the hardest of changes. Maybe you feel alone, but in all probability you're really not. Now is the right time to reach out to your good friends and family members for support. Phone them when you need someone to speak to. Invite them over when you need to have a good laugh, cry, get your thoughts off these things, get away from home, vent, and do any other activity you have to do.
-- Get out and about
Just as much as you might want to shut the whole world and everyone in it out from time to time, you need to get out of the house and be social as well. Get out with family, a few of your good friends as well as others from your trusted support network.
In the event you really don't have such a circle, then it is now time to work on getting one.
Get involved in some new hobbies or activities and meet some new people. Instead of looking at the breakup like a entire loss, try looking at it from a different viewpoint. You have got the opportunity at this point to devote time to other things, making new friends, acquiring new knowledge, developing newinterests and concentrating on yourself.
-- Move things all around you
You're starting a whole new chapter in your life, and a good way to remind yourself of this is simply by rearranging your surroundings. Change the position of any chair, your bed, a table. Move a photo or buy a new one. Create these types of modifications to your home and things can really feel different in a fresher, newer way.
-- Give back
You may be going through a particularly rough time right at this moment, but why not put things in perspective a little bit, do some volunteer work, or get involved with a charity. It can feel great to do things for others, especially those who are really in need.
Think about what type of things you can get involved with. If are fond of animals, you could volunteer at a pet shelter. If you're a person of faith, you can get involved with charity work done by your place of worship. There are plenty of different alternatives, but you need to choose something which is meaningful to you. You will feel wonderful after assisting, AND it will help to get your loss into perspective.
Above all, give yourself time to make the adjustments necessary, time to process your own emotions, and time to recover. Be gentle with yourself and you'll find yourself moving forward right into a better day.
Peter Field is a British hypno-psychotherapist and a Member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy. Please visit his Birmingham Hypnotherapy
site for more information. His international best selling best selling hypnotherapy book
'The Chi of Change' is now available from Amazon and other good book sellers.